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GRB20 replied on GRB20 - Three Wheels  1 month ago
 
Thank you, bud. I truly appreciate it! Much Love...
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by GRB20
Released 1 month ago
Soundtrack, Ambient, Beats & Instrumentals
I made this soundtrack based on this story To be honest I think that track spoke my feelings way more than I did trying to write it all down, here it is... (Excuse my weak writing skills tho, that was a long while ago) The Non-Sleeper (7th Cup Of Coffee) (Not just a novel, it's a true story of mine) It's Past Midnight, and I'm shaking... Do I know why? Yea, I actually do, it's because my anxiety is tearing me apart Long story short: 2 years ago I was diagnosed with severe anxiety & severe depression 2 years of suffering, medication doesn't help, nothing helps! I tell my family & my friends that I'm okay when I'm not They wouldn't care anyway, trust me I tried a lot... Umm... It's not the time for my pills yet, but do I care?... Absolutely not! I should take one pill of my sedative after two hours... I look at my hands, they still shaking and then I look at the strip... And it's like my hands are crawling to it, why not? That's my cure right there! 2 hours?! I have to sit still in this torture for 2 hours?! NO WAY!! Did I mention that I should take one pill? Well, to be honest, I'm gonna take the whole strip... Oh, wait a minute, why not the entire box? No worries, I've done it before... (With a way lower dose of course) But this time is different, I've never felt such pain like this, I know what you're thinking, I'm not trying to kill myself... I'm weaker than that, I just want the pain to go away, I wanna feel safe... I wanna feel like everything's is just fine, that's all I'm asking for! Is it too much to ask to just live with no fear? With no pain? Is it?! Okay, the pills just kicked in, that's right... I feel more than okay now! Everything is fine now, my fear & my pain is completely gone, such a relief... Why can't I feel like this forever?! Oh, wait a minute, I'm starting to feel weird, dizzy? No, something else... Am I hearing voices now?... Or is it just an illusion? No, I clearly hear voices... I don't know if it's in my head or someone talking outside of my room? I got out to see who's talking, Oh dear God help me, everybody's sleep! I'm not afraid (Of course not with 2 strips of my sedative in me) I go back to my room, I still hear voices... Now I know it's all in my head I can't hear clearly what they say, I'm trying to listen... But all I hear is a bunch of people mumbling I heard Something like: "Jump out of the balcony!" Okay, this is the first time I experienced something like this... I must have overdosed, and I'm feeling sleepy now, NO! I don't wanna sleep now... If I slept I'll wake up with the same pain again, I don't want that I wanna stay like this, enjoying the relief, and to hell with the voices... (And this was my 7th cup of coffee) Oh, okay it's 5 in the morning now, I feel like I'm forgetting everything But I wanna go out, I don't know why... I just wanna go out & do something... I changed my cloth then I got out of my room heading to the door... Suddenly my mom woke up & told me: where are you going, Bob? I didn't know what to say, so I told her I'm going out, mom She told me: It's 5 in the morning where are you gonna go? I replied: I don't know mom I just felt like going out, what's the big deal? Mom: Did you take your medicine? Me: Yes, mom I took my medicine, can you please let me go now?! I got out, the voices came back again, no wait it's just one voice... It's my voice, talking to me... Telling me to follow the light... What light? I said to myself, oh there it is! At the end of the street So I'm seeing things now?! okay cool, following the light... Every step closer to the light, the light goes further... I'm still walking, don't know why I just want to reach the light People in the street looking at me weird, but the thing is they look weird too Everything looks weird, it's like the trees are moving The buildings too, it's tilting... I know that I'm Imagining things The light disappeared and I feel dizzy, I probably should head home now... Back home, I found my mom sitting on the couch holding the two empty strips She stared at me for a while & then she yelled at me... What are you trying to do to yourself?! this could kill you! my mom said Why don't you just stick to the prescription?... And I'm completely silent I didn't know how to explain, so I just told her what I felt & that I just needed a relief... And guess what my mom did?... Yea, she slapped me! & told me to go to bed And that she's gonna take me to my psychiatrist when I wake up... My room, not sleeping... another cup of coffee? No, I'm thinking about that guy... My psychiatrist, I literally hate him... Always yelling to me like I'm guilty Because I'm sick? He doesn't even give me a chance to explain my feelings! Oh BTW: Believe it or not, this is my 12th doctor in the past 2 years... I DON'T KNOW... I don't know what to do anymore, my life is miserable, I'm a total mess... I'm don't eat, I don't drink water a lot, I'm losing weight day after day... I can't even work without the damn pills! I'm staying in my room doing nothing but biting my nails & worrying all the time... Sitting alone with the two "monsters" that they have nothing to do but ripping me apart... I'm lonely, I'm dying inside... FOREVER! I can't find a cure, I tried everything, nothing works... Kill myself?... I'm too weak for that... Yes, I know that I need help, but where can I find help? As I mentioned before... Nothing helps I can't even shed a tear... Guess I'll just stay in the dark, & keep losing weight till I disappear? Lol... There's nothing else to say, nothing... Thank you for caring to read my story... -GRB20 MUCH LOVE ❤
by GRB20
Released 1 month ago
R&B & Soul, Hip-hop & Rap
Just wrote down my feelings then, made a beat for it & that's it...